today started pretty decent. I had a happy dream about my departed soul mate. I miss a lot right now and it was had me down, that along with the fact that I have not found a decent job yet. I tried to stay cheerfull for the holidays. I was going to bake homemade goodies for my friends and family (and still am), but I was depressed about not being able to buy my own kids anything. No job = no money for gifts.

other then the holidays, as those of you who read my journals know, I've been second guessing myself of wether or not I should continue on with the custody battle.

Today was one of my friends birthday. He didn't want to celebrate alone, so he invited me and [link] to have dinner with him and his family, then see a movie afterward. Turns out the friends dad is a retired judge. He and I had a nice long conversation. He really helped ease my fears about court and the kids. I am re-energized for the court battle that is to come after the holidays. He even gave me a few pointers. Having a third person from a professional standpoint, listen to me and voice the same concerns I have, before I pointed them out helped me regain the confidence I needed.

Then to top things off, I got a checl I wasn't expecting for a few more months. Since I started college a few years ago, I had to apply for additional loans. Unfortunately I had to quit due to no internet access. Kinda hard to do on-line classes when you can't get on-line. After after my soul mate died I picked my classes back up. I had already paid for them. Well, since it was a new year, and my financial situation had changed, I got to apply for Pell Grant. There was about 5k left over between my grant and previous loans. That money comes to me, in payments. As it comes in from the bank/Gov/where ever, as long as my classes are paid, the extra goes on a credit card for my usage. Financial assistance said I wasn't supposed to see any of that cash until 2010.

I am happy to say: Some of it came early I know have a few hundred bucks to spend on my kids for the holidays. And I can buy my own ingredients for my homemade goodies.