lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. The Custody battle was dragged out again. This time till January. Doubt I'll get to see my babies on Christmas or Yule.

My lawyer says I may have a chance to get them back IF i can get a job. So far nothing. I put in 2 applications a week, minimum. Nothing yet.

I've been depressed a lot recently too. lost interest in some of my fav thing (like SWG). I still game, the role playing helps. It gets me out of reality for a short time.

but I still wonder

what if I don't get my kids back? The in-laws have filed for custody in case I don't win. But I'm not sure if I am ready to live in MN again. I don't really know anyone. I won't have my family right down the road. I won't have my freinds down the hall. Having everyone here helps.

But even with everyone here I still get really depressed at times. I keep thinking what did I do wrong? Why am I being denied my kids? What if I don't get them back?